Why Safety Isn’t Optional for Escorts or Clients
Every time an escort meets a client, there’s a risk. Not because of what they do, but because of how society treats them. Sex workers are 49% more likely to experience physical violence than people in other jobs, according to the World Health Organization. That’s not a statistic about morality-it’s about exposure. And it’s why safety isn’t a suggestion. It’s survival.
Clients aren’t immune either. A bad encounter can turn dangerous fast-whether it’s a misunderstanding, a drunk client, or someone with bad intentions. The truth? Both sides win when safety comes first. No one gets hurt. No one gets scammed. No one ends up in police reports or trauma therapy.
Screening Clients Before You Even Say Hello
Screening isn’t about being suspicious. It’s about being smart.
Start with the basics: check if the client is sober. A 2022 VICE interview with a sex worker with 14 years of experience found clients with a blood alcohol level over 0.08% were 3.2 times more likely to violate boundaries. That’s not a guess. That’s data. Ask for a photo of them holding a handwritten note with the date and time. It’s not creepy-it’s standard. If they refuse, walk away.
Check their profile. If they’re using a new account with no reviews, be cautious. Look at the language they use. Vague messages like “I’m looking for fun” are red flags. Specifics like “I’d like a 60-minute massage with a 15-minute cuddle at the end” show they’ve read your ad and respect boundaries.
And never, ever skip the price talk. Set the service, location, and payment before you leave your house-or before you get in the car. The National Harm Reduction Coalition found that 52% fewer violent incidents happened when price and services were agreed on outside the vehicle. That’s because once you’re locked in, your power drops.
Always Get Paid Up Front
There’s one rule that never changes: get paid before you start.
Ninety-seven percent of sex workers surveyed by Beyond The Gaze in 2019 refused to begin services without payment in hand. Why? Because once you’re naked and vulnerable, you’re no longer in control. Cash is best. But if you’re using digital payments, make sure the transfer clears before you remove your clothes. Screen recordings of payment confirmations are a good backup.
Don’t let anyone talk you into “trust.” Trust is earned over time. Not during a 45-minute appointment. If someone says, “I’ll pay you after,” they’re already testing your limits. Say no. Walk away. Your safety isn’t negotiable.
Use Your Phone Like a Lifeline
Your phone isn’t just for calls. It’s your emergency button.
Keep it fully charged. Program one contact as “SOS” with a single tap. That’s not a luxury-it’s a requirement. The Beyond The Gaze study showed 94% of online sex workers use speed dial for emergency contacts. Set it up now. Don’t wait.
Use location sharing. Apps like UberSignal, Life360, or even WhatsApp’s real-time location let someone track your movement. Tell your buddy: “I’m going to the hotel on Oxford Street. I’ll check in at 8:30. If I don’t, call the police.”
Take a photo of the client or their car before you get in. Don’t make it obvious. Just snap a quick shot from your pocket. Send it to your buddy with a message like, “Car: black BMW, plate XYZ123.” If something goes wrong, that photo could be the difference between life and death.
Know Your Escape Routes
Never let a client get between you and the exit.
This rule comes from WUNRN and the National Harm Reduction Coalition. It’s simple: if you’re in a hotel room, sit near the door. If you’re in a car, sit in the front passenger seat. Never in the back. Never with your back to the door. Always know where the locks are. Before you get in, open and close the door once to check if it locks from the inside.
And never, ever go to a private home unless you’ve vetted it. Even then, keep your bag near the door. Keep your keys in your hand. If you feel even a little off-leave. No apology needed. Your gut is your best security system. The Beyond The Gaze study found workers who trusted their instincts reduced assault incidents by 67%.
Positioning Matters-More Than You Think
How you sit during a session isn’t about comfort. It’s about control.
For oral sex, stay on top. Don’t let the client pin you down. The 2020 National Harm Reduction Coalition study of 347 male sex workers showed 92% felt safer when they controlled the position. Same goes for intercourse. Being on top gives you leverage, visibility, and a quick exit if needed.
For car appointments, avoid the backseat. Always sit in the front. If the client tries to move you, say no. “I don’t sit in the back. That’s my rule.” If they argue, end it. You’re not there to please them. You’re there to work safely.
And never wear a scarf, necklace, or anything around your neck. WUNRN’s 2014 guidelines explicitly warn against it. Strangulation is one of the most common causes of fatal attacks on sex workers. Keep your neck free. Always.
Build a Safety Network-You’re Not Alone
Working alone is the riskiest thing you can do.
Eighty-eight percent of sex workers who use a buddy system report faster emergency responses. That buddy doesn’t have to be a colleague. It can be a friend, a roommate, even a neighbor. Just make sure they know your schedule. “I’m working tonight at 7. I’ll call you at 9.”
Some workers have a security partner in the next room. That’s common in high-end studios. Others use group chats. If a client is flagged as dangerous, someone posts it. The UK’s largest bad date list had over 1,200 verified entries as of 2022. In the U.S., the Worker Safety Network has over 8,300. These aren’t rumors. These are verified reports.
Participate. Share. Even if it’s just one name. You might save someone’s life.
What Clients Should Know Too
Safety isn’t just the escort’s job. It’s a two-way street.
Be polite. Say please and thank you. Don’t touch without asking. Don’t push for more than agreed. Clients who respect boundaries are 4.7 times less likely to get flagged on bad date lists. That’s not just ethics-it’s reputation.
Don’t show up drunk. If you’ve had more than two drinks, reschedule. You’re not being rude. You’re being responsible.
And always, always use a condom. Seventeen percent of escorts report pressure to skip protection. That’s not normal. That’s dangerous. If you’re not willing to use one, don’t book. It’s not negotiable. And if you are, respect the escort’s right to check your health status. Suggesting a shower together before starting? That’s not just hygiene. It’s a safety check.
Bad Date Lists Are Your Best Defense
These aren’t gossip boards. They’re survival tools.
A bad date list is a shared database of clients who’ve threatened, assaulted, or cheated sex workers. Entries include names, photos, car details, and what happened. Many are encrypted. Many are password-protected. Some are run by collectives. Others by independent workers.
Before you meet someone new, check one. If their name or car shows up, don’t go. Even if they’ve been “clean” for years, a single bad report is enough. The system works because it’s collective. One person’s warning saves ten others.
If you’ve had a bad experience, add it. Don’t wait. Don’t think, “It won’t happen again.” It might. And someone else might not be so lucky.
Final Rule: Your Body, Your Rules
No one gets to decide what you do with your body-not your client, not your boss, not your family, not the law.
If you say no to a service, it’s final. If you say no to a location, it’s final. If you say no to a client, it’s final. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t owe them a second chance. You don’t owe them your silence.
And if you’ve ever felt guilty for walking away? Don’t. You’re not being difficult. You’re being smart. You’re being alive.
